Am I rambling?
I’m not usually one for true blogging – no editing; just sit down, write, and post. But I need to process and I feel drawn to the page to do it. As always, my Virgo brain, god bless it, wants to sort, categorize and summarize these thoughts into some manageable framework. That’s how I make sense of my world and how I cope, I guess. Believe me, sometimes I wish I could just sit in the middle of the emotional storm and let it rain, but that’s not how I roll.
I have been thinking a lot about my mind and how it manages the vast differences between my logical brain and my illogical heart. In fact, I am going to share a journal entry from March, just before the world changed gears.
I want a mind that . . .
And days later, a time of challenge arrives on my doorstep and I am instantly pulled back into old patterns of thinking by my anxiety. Then, once I have adjusted to my new normal, the house of cards we call our “social structure” starts to wobble and I’m back in my head again.
So, here I sit this morning, watching my mind trying to take charge and reason everything out.
But my heart is bewildered. It mourns, it’s anxious, it’s full of wonder and joy one minute and it’s breaking the next. There is room for the whole planet in there; there is only room for me and my loved ones in there.
My heart is a two-year old child who is experiencing new emotions and has no idea what to do with them.
Well, I wouldn’t yell at a two-year-old and I’m not going to yell at my heart.
Hey soul, step in here and mediate will ya? Quiet my mind and make room for my tumultuous heart.
This kinda sounds like a job for meditation, doesn't it?
I’m off to sit.
Thanks for listening, friends.
6/11/2020 12:21:55 pm
Man I appreciate your ability to be brutally honest with yourself, a quality I fall short on . My inward heart hurts for the pain I see and hear around me but I feel like I am in my mothers womb . Yes I am experiencing the happenings around me but feel unable to cry with them as if my mind is a jungle filled with vines going who knows where with spider monkeys jumping between branches vying for my attention. Meditating might bring into focus the gentle personage I percieve as my being ,my existence.
6/11/2020 12:27:15 pm
Lawson, I think you are very honest and you have expressed what many of us feel right now. Thanks for chiming in - I always love to hear your perspective.
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